RJ Wattenhofer

Tech writing, 3D model building and game design.

June 26, 2017

Timothy Lee Meyer Party Drug Arrest

Party Over, Oops Out of Time: Controversial Pharmaceutical Company Crushed By ‘The Man’

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Timothy Lee MeyerTimothy Lee Meyer, 32, was recently arrested by law enforcement and charged with running an unlicensed pharmaceutical company out of his West Seventh Street apartment located in St. Paul, Minnesota. Police confiscated a myriad of chemical compounds, including prescription precursors and end-product ready for distribution.

Meyer’s flagship commodity, a high-grade synthetic anti-depressant and mood elevator, had been released to the general public only days ago and received countless accolades from the pharmaceutical end-user community. Freddie “Mangoman” Shripply, one of Meyer’s patients, commented that the medicine was a wonder drug and “fucked you up like no one’s bidnez, yo.”

But sadly, even with the rave reviews, Meyer’s altruistic endeavor to help his patients (and make a few dollars on the side) was thwarted by police after they received word about the operation via an anonymous source. The source, Inge G. Thulin, CEO of 3M Pharmaceuticals (who some describe as nothing more than a thug in sock garters), received word from the street that competition had moved into his St. Paul territory and he took immediate action.

What Meyer’s describes as “nothing short of harassment”, Thulin and two enforcers performed a midnight drive-by on Meyer, emptying a Mac-10 into his bedroom window and then promptly squealed away in their jacked-up hooptie. Thulin denies the allegation and police are inclined to agree with him, as Meyer has no notable assets and Thulin is known to be rich as hell.

After his arrest, Meyer attempted to do the right thing, offering to pay any fines and apply for his pharmaceutical license. His request was declined, the arresting officer stating (rather rudely) that Meyer’s product was nothing more than a “high-grade party drug” and its only use was “to get Minnesotans high’r ‘n shit.”

Minnesota employment advocates (most notably Workforce Minnesota) denounced the arrest, making it clear that this was just one more attempt by big business to crush the little guy. Workforce Minnesota does everything in its power to encourage entrepreneurship, believing it to be a viable employment alternative for out-of-work Minnesotans. And their efforts have not gone in vain: The Secretary of State’s office reported 250,000 plus new business filings in the last four years. They also reported that fishing license sales were at an all time high – a claim that may or may not be related to this story.

This writer feels that Meyer should be applauded, not condemned for filling a niche and revitalizing the waning party drug industry, an industry that has suffered an enormous decline in Minnesota over recent years. ”This young man has created a thriving, recession-proof business and it’s a shame that authorities see this as a bad thing,” someone, I think, from Workforce Minnesota said.

Innovative pharmaceutical pioneers such as Meyer are few and far between. Now that his company has been dismantled, the future of mom & pop drug suppliers in Minnesota is uncertain. Will this void ever be filled? Only time will tell…

~ , Writer

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