written by RJ Wattenhofer
Timothy Lee Meyer, 32, was recently arrested by
law enforcement and charged with running an unlicensed pharmaceutical company out of his West Seventh Street
apartment located in St. Paul, Minnesota. Police confiscated a myriad
of chemical compounds, including prescription precursors and end-product ready for distribution.
Meyer’s flagship commodity, a high-grade synthetic anti-depressant and mood elevator, had been released
to the general public only days ago and received countless accolades from the pharmaceutical end-user community.
Freddie “Mangoman” Shripply, one of Meyer’s patients, commented
that the medicine was a wonder drug and “fucked you up like no one’s bidnez, yo.”
But sadly, even with the rave reviews, Meyer’s altruistic endeavor to help his patients (and make
a few dollars on the side) was thwarted by police after they received word about the operation via an anonymous
source. The source, Inge G. Thulin, CEO of 3M Pharmaceuticals
(who some describe as nothing more than a thug in sock garters), received word from the street that
competition had moved into his St. Paul territory and he took immediate action.
What Meyer’s describes as “nothing short of harassment”, Thulin and two enforcers
performed a midnight drive-by on Meyer, emptying a Mac-10 into his bedroom window and then promptly squealed
away in their jacked-up hooptie. Thulin denies the allegation and police are inclined to agree with him, as Meyer
has no notable assets and Thulin is known to be rich as hell.
After his arrest, Meyer attempted to do the right thing, offering to pay any fines and apply for his
pharmaceutical license. His request was declined, the arresting officer stating (rather rudely) that
Meyer’s product was nothing more than a “high-grade party drug” and its only use was
“to get Minnesotans high’r ‘n shit.”
Minnesota employment advocates (most notably Workforce Minnesota) denounced
the arrest, making it clear that this was just one more attempt by big business to crush the little guy.
Workforce Minnesota does everything in its power to encourage entrepreneurship, believing it to be a viable
employment alternative for out-of-work Minnesotans. And their efforts have not gone in vain: The Secretary
of State’s office reported 250,000 plus new business filings in the last four years. They also reported
that fishing license sales were at an all time high – a claim that may or may not be related to
this story.
This writer feels that Meyer should be applauded, not condemned for filling a niche and revitalizing
the waning party drug industry, an industry that has suffered an enormous decline in
Minnesota over recent years. ”This young man has created a
thriving, recession-proof business and it’s a shame that authorities see this as a bad thing,”
someone, I think, from Workforce Minnesota said.
Innovative pharmaceutical pioneers such as Meyer are few and far between. Now that his company has been
dismantled, the future of mom & pop drug suppliers in Minnesota is uncertain. Will this void ever be
filled? Only time will tell…
~ RJ Wattenhofer, Writer
